Amigos para Siempre- "Friends Forever" by Jane

Brenda & Eddie were the popular steady and the king and queen of the prom…Billy Joel ©1977

Every high school has their Brenda and Eddie. We had such a couple in our high school. Hap was King of the prom but alas, his queen Jane was relegated to the queen’s court. Like in the song, many of those high school sweethearts who got married frequently ended up divorced. However, this was not the case for our king and his queen. They had a very successful marriage. They first started dating in seventh grade. They broke up when he went away to camp without saying good-bye. She would learn later that it was because he was grounded for skipping school. In the vernacular of the Internet, BTDT.

As we all entered high school, their relationship got another spark. In our neighborhood, we had “teen center” where we went to dances every Friday night. It was there one Friday in October of 1968 that a life long love affair caught fire. Their fire burned slowly and steadily for over 40 years until pancreatic cancer took Hap. They were “Amigos Para Siempre.” Now Jane is coming forward to tell you how cannabis helped Happy (Hap) endure his battle against this devastating cancer. Casey

Amigos para Siempre- "Friends Forever". by Jane

My late husband, Happy, would whisper it to me at the table during a candlelit meal of fine wine, steak and artichoke. It was one of his favorite Andrew Lloyd Webber songs, and I was his favorite girl.


I first met him in Mrs. Frost's 5th grade class after moving to the States from Canada. For me it was love at first sight. He was handsome, fun loving and a friend to all. We were inseparable during high school, voted the cutest couple and were married our 3rd year of college. Along the way we had many adventures, Hap loved to ski- downhill, water and cross-country. We lived in a Chevy van our last semester of college, traveling out west and skiing at all the major areas. We traveled across the world together, through 41 states from Key West to Maine, to California, through Canada, Europe and the Caribbean finally settling down to raise 4 beautiful children.


As a financial planner Hap's business took us to Massachusetts, back to Maryland, then on to Rhode Island and, finally, to Syracuse New York. Each new place held new adventures for the the whole family. Happy was a patient teacher and wonderful role model for all. He showed us what it meant to care for others and how to respect others personal space and privacy. He also taught his children how to respect the law.


Hap's father had passed away from prostate cancer at the young age of 54. Being aware of this, Hap was diligent about being tested himself for the disease. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed in 1995 and underwent a radical prostatectomy at Johns Hopkins. The surgery was a success and we began to move on with our lives.


In November of 2007, after a bout with heartburn, unexplained weight loss and fatigue Hap was again diagnosed with cancer. This time it was Pancreatic Cancer- the most deadly kind with an extremely low survival rate. He immediately underwent major surgery at Massachusetts General Hospital for removal of his pancreas, spleen and portions of his stomach. During the surgery, the doctor found that the cancer had wrapped itself around a major artery and the surgery was aborted. Before sewing him up, the doctor was able to perform an emergency gastrogeugenostomy so that Hap might be again able to eat and drink.


Recovery from the surgery was extremely slow and painful. Hap had difficulty drinking or eating anything and he became dehydrated and malnourished. He had to be transported to the hospital via ambulance several times for emergency IV therapy to save his life. He was on major medications as well as chemotherapy. Unable to walk very far he spent his days in a recliner in the family room. Hap was undergoing toxic chemotherapy drugs that left his body ravaged and unable to eat. His weight plummeted from 190 to 140 pounds. Everyone in the family was there to lend support and they were always greeted with a trademark smile from Hap. True to his character, he always put himself second to others in the room.


During this time, the family relied on the Johns Hopkins online discussion board for pancreatic cancer patients and caregivers. In an attempt to find ways to encourage Hap's appetite, the use of marijuana to stimulate food consumption came up. Hap and I had been together since I was 14, he 15 and in that time we had never used drugs of any kind, including marijuana. Hap had told me that he had used it once before we were together when he and a friend had gone on an overnight canoe trip in Maine. The friend's brother had brought back some from Viet Nam which they tried. He recounted a night of feeling spacey and said he didn't care to repeat that feeling. We continued to abstain from drug use during the course of our marriage.


Hap did not want to use the marijuana, as he did not want to set a "bad" example for our children. I understood and agreed with this, however, it was apparent that if he did not increase his food and fluid intake he would surely die. The family spoke to him, actually begged him, and he finally agreed to try some. A friend from Hap's work bought him a water pipe; another was borrowed from a second friend. The actual marijuana was obtained and Hap went down to the basement to smoke some (he refused to smoke upstairs). As he did, I had the oven on and had several "fattening" foods ready, French fries, mozzarella sticks and the like for when he was done. Soon after he had smoked, he was able to eat and drink. The family and I were relieved at this and soon Hap began to gain weight. He did not smoke every day, although he told one of our daughters that after he smoked he at least had a brief time where he was pain free and felt relatively "normal" again.


It took Hap a few months to regain almost all of his weight back. After he did, he gave up the marijuana use and we had what he dubbed "the summer of love". We traveled to see family and friends in Maryland and Maine and also spent some time on the Jersey shore. He was able to have an experimental Cyberknife treatment in July and in August; we were in Maine with family at our summer camp where Hap was able to say his goodbyes to many friends and family members.


Unfortunately, when we returned in September Hap developed an allergic reaction to the chemotherapy that had been helping to keep the cancer at bay. He tried several other chemos, but the cancer continued to progress.
In the early morning hours of January 28, 2009, the love of my life died peacefully in his sleep next to me.


Hap donated his body to the Anatomical Research Group here in Syracuse. He was a generous man- even in death and he wanted to provide a means for others to learn from his body.


The family will never regret Hap's decision to use marijuana to help him sustain his life.


He will forever be in my heart- "Amigos Para Siempre".... I love you Happy!